it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
