she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
