so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
