I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
