yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize