when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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