She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
