i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
