I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
