oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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