if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
