Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
