at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
