you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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