Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
