I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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