How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
