I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
