I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize