She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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