So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
