I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
