pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
