she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
