The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
