True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize