i love accidental penises.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
