Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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