i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
