I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
