dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
