Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
