You just made me feel so damn special
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
