i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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