singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
