Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
