Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
jump out the window naked night went bad
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