So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
