Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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