Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
