Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
