Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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