He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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