WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
