I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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