would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
