I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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