So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
