i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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