He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
