Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i think my cat just said my name.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize