I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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