you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
