wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
