i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
