Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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