We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
