he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
