these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I love how my cats smell like pot.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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