i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
