I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize