I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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