I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
