You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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