I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
