We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
