Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
