but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
