dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No subtext here. People are naked.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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