Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
