so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
