Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
