Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
