So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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