i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
