hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
